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Perfect Lover

Manufacturer: CalExotics (formerly California Exotic Novelties)

He doesn't cheat or lie.  He doesn't have any low-class relatives.  He doesn't smoke, drink or tell bad jokes.  And he's really, really good in bed.  He is, in fact, the Perfect Lover.

Equipped with multi-speed controls, a vibrating tongue that doesn't get tired and more reach than the average guy, the Perfect Lover is the perfect solution for the woman who has decided that this device's human namesake doesn't actually exist.

The Lover is covered in pliable, super-soft purple skin, and sports a row of "orgasmic ridges" which more than live up to their name.  Its shaft will rotate to the commands of its mistress, complementing its vibrating, double-tipped tongue.

With a whole series of adjustable controls, in fact, the Lover is far more likely to respond to commands in the heat of passion than the average erection-addled human male. And when our heroine has had her orgasm(s), she is free to spin over and drift off to sleep without all that male ego-soothing.  "Gee, that was great," post-coital chit chat.

But the human male hasn't been made completely obsolete by the Perfect Lover -- he can still be sent out on cold nights for batteries.

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