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Impulse Slim Jim Probe

Manufacturer: CalExotics (formerly California Exotic Novelties)

Just the name "Impulse Slim Jim Probe" conjures up images of beef jerky-laden sex, alien autopsies, and using a hanger to pull keys out of tight, dark places. So sign me up, buster! Actually it's none of those things —this contraption is really a bed-shaped vibrator with an array of functions.

Combining the concepts of dildos and love beads, the folks at California Exotic Novelties has designed a sort of "super" sex toy sure to bring a tear to the eye of all sex toy lovers. With five hyper-sonic vibrations functions and over 30 impulse patterns you'd have to have be stoned out on heroin or have an ass of steel not to get stimulated by this wand of sexual-destruction. Plus, if you don't dig it, you can always use it as a back scratcher.

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