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Hands Free Discreet Micro-Enhancer

Manufacturer: CalExotics (formerly California Exotic Novelties)

Damn those geniuses at Cal Exotics! Damn them straight to hell! I have an idea, and they have to think of it first! Woe, the curses of being me. At least I can console myself with their version (which is a hell of a lot better than what I did actually have in mind, thank you), a small rubber sleeve which slips around the head of the penis and is equipped with a teensy bullet vibe that tucks into a pocket on its outer side. What's more, that side is lined with feelers, so as to provide pleasure for two during intercourse. The controller has a neck strap attached, which is where the "hands free" attribute comes in.

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